In our previous blogs, we have discussed the concept of tolerance. It was stated that tolerance starts with kindness, when we don’t perpetuate the negative actions aimed at us.
It is one thing to stop the chain of negative actions with us i.e. when we absorb the negative actions and don’t act upon them. But it’s a totally different thing to take it to the next level when we not only forgive those who behave in a negative way with us, but also go beyond it and reciprocate the negative act with compassion and benevolence. When we can come back with thoughtfulness for the other, as if our feelings don’t matter, we are taking positive steps towards loving Krishna. Easy to say, hard to do but this is exactly what the lives of the great saints teach us.
Nityananda (Nitai) was an associate of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu (Nimai). He is believed by some to be an expansion of Balaram and the two together are referred to as Nimai–Nitai. In their village in Bengal, were the two brothers, Jagai and Madhai who lived a life of vices. When Nityananda went to talk to them about loving Krishna, Madhai threw an earthen pot that hit him so hard that he started bleeding from his forehead.
As soon as Chaitanya Mahaprabhu became aware of this, he was ready to kill them by engaging his SudarshanChakra. Nityananda stepped in and stopped Mahaprabhu from doing so. He begged the Lord to forgive the two brothers and instead prayed to bestow upon them the buddhi (intellect) that would make them see the folly of their ways. Needless to say, Jagai and Madhai were so ashamed of their behavior and moved by the compassion of Nityananda that they went on to sing and chant the glories of the Lord.
Draupadi was another great personality who, at the end of the great Mahabharat war, forgave Ashwatthama, the Guru’s son, for killing all her five children. It is highly unusual that children die before a parent. And yet this is what Draupadi had to face. Seeing the devastating effects of the war, she readily forgave Ashwatthama. Compare her act of forgiveness to that of Gandhari’s, Dhrithrashtra’s wife, who upon seeing all her hundred children dead, cursed Lord Krishna. Such was Draupadi’s courage and devotion!
The Bhagavatam also teaches us:
tiraskṛtā vipralabdhāḥ
śaptāḥ kṣiptā hatā api
nāsya tat pratikurvanti
tad-bhaktāḥ prabhavo ’pi hi
Bhagavatam 1.18.48
The devotees of the Lord never wreak vengeance on their offenders even when they are defamed, cheated, cursed, disturbed, or even killed by them.
When we become established in the fact that we are not the physical body but the tiny soul that is a servant of the Lord, then others’ behavior ceases to disturb us. Our only goal becomes serving Him with all our love such that there is no room for selfishness or fulfillment of selfish desires. When we become detached from worldly attainments and our sole desire becomes the Lord’s happiness, then others’ actions and behaviors lose their power over us.
At this point, holding on to anger and resentment only continue to hurt us. It has been sagaciously said, “Resentment is like drinking poison while hoping the other person dies.” When we repeatedly contemplate on the action that hurt us, it only drives in the wedge of hatred, anger, revenge, hostility, etc. Breaking this cycle of negativity requires repeated and continuous chintan of detachment from the world. After all, if we are hurting, it is ultimately due to attachment to our happiness i.e. others’ behavior did not match our expectations. Sacrificing the desire of our happiness makes room for the divine qualities of forgiveness, tolerance, gratitude, etc. to manifest themselves.
Another way of achieving forgiveness is to see the presence of God in everyone. If we believe that Krishna resides in the other person also, then we will be unable to act upon the negative sentiments. Instead, we will find it easier to forgive them. This is a two-fold process. The first step requires deep chintan that Krishna resides in all and is omnipresent. The second step is that of nishkamta (selflessness). This requires that we let go of all our expectations from Krishna and love him irrespective of his behavior towards us. Meerabai, a great bhakti Saint of the 16th century, expressed this sentiment when she said: “If Shree Krishna wants me to laugh, I will laugh; if He wants me to cry, I will cry; if He wants to shower His love upon me by embracing me, so be it; if He desires to kill me, using His Sudarśhan Chakra (divine disc that Lord Vishnu holds in His hand), I will not object; and if He chooses to ignore me, as if He does not know me, I will still not complain. No matter what behavior He adopts towards me, Shree Krishna alone will remain my soul-beloved; in this there will never be any change.”
This ability not just to tolerate negative behavior of others but also to forgive the ones who hurt us increases as our devotion grows. One of the consequences of growing devotion is the rise of virtuous, divine qualities such as increased tolerance, non-violence, forgiveness, respect for others, empathy, compassion, truth, etc. As we aim to perfect our love for Krishna, let’s start by increasing our level not just of tolerance but also of forgiveness.
